Let It Go, Just Enjoy the Ride

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

2009-05-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

Was just looking at my profile. Under interests:

Politics; laughing; green beans; frozen raspberries; Joshua; adventures; finding beauty where most never look; being that person that says they knew about something before mainstream media/everyone else got on it; being optimistic in the most dire situations; jammin'.

I think I can safely say all of those are still in my greatest interests, but I've let them slip and slide. Out of sight, out of mind? Mostly in referrence to the laughing and optimism. I'm not sure how to explain it. Or how I am where I am now. Was it all a cover up? Am I still that optimistic person deep inside, dying to get out and spin in circles under the clouds? Can I laugh now how I laughed a year ago?

This feels like it has been a week of two steps forward, one step back. I really thought I was getting somewhere with the whole "let's be positive" deal, until things totally out of my hands ruined it all. There's only so much "it could be worse" can fix. I mean, yes, it could play out:
Timmy - "Damn, I got a C on that paper I half-assed."
Johnny - "But golly, Timmy, it could be worse. You could have failed."
I feel like in the past four or five years, I've done the "it could be worse" dance a ton.. "Eh, I didn't do so well on the AP Calc test, but it could be worse - I could have failed the actual course." OR "DAMN, I didn't get that extra scholarship money to Santa Clara because my GPA was a 3.9 and not a 4.0, but it could be worse - I could'e not been accepted to any schools." I don't view those circumstances as dire or severe or life threatening, but I've used the line in other situations where, in retrospect, it isn't applicable: "Well, I was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of 18, but it could be worse - I could have been diagnosed with terminal cancer." and "Grandpa died after a long and hard battle with Myasthenia Gravis (and a previous bout with bladder cancer), but it could be worse - he could still be alive and suffering."
I don't think there are trade offs for these things. I don't think there's a better option. I don't think a "it could be worse" scenario exists. I realize life is better than death in most circumstances, but I would not wish this form of life on anyone. Nor can I expect anyone to understand unless they really deal with it every minute of their life like me. It isn't that simple, yet it is. Perspective is key. Perspective makes a world of a difference, but it is very hard to understand or even attempt to understand with a closed mind and a closed heart.

Everything is just that simple. It's hard for me to remember this. There doesn't always have to be tradeoffs or compromise. I don't always have to "win". Just because I like something, doesn't mean it will be fulfilled or achieved. Not everyone sees eye to eye, and that is what makes the world so unique and have such a dynamic sense of being.

I am me. You are you. If our paths cross, so be it.
It could be worse, but it also could be better. It can always be better.

2009-05-12T00:14:00.000-07:00

Less than a week ago I ended phone conversations with "I miss you. I love you. Sleep well." Now, because of stupid mistakes and my inability to seek help, I end conversations with "Hope you had a good day. Maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."

I emailed a good friend from DC today about the situation. She sent back some wise words:

I don't think that things happen for a reason so if you do end up back together it's going to be because you both desperately care about each other and are willing to make it work. In fact, I think that sometimes things happen for no reason at all. That's the shitty thing about life. Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason. But with time (and nothing else), you will be happy, whether it's with him or not.

I couldn't agree more.

I know I've made many small mistakes, and they all culminated in one huge mistake that played out in a mere 45 minutes (most of which I do not remember). I could list all my mistakes, but what good will that do? It won't reverse the situation. It won't undo the hurt that I have caused him. Listing negatives in my behavior will only make matters worse.
Instead, I can say what I am going to do:
- I will be seeing a psychiatrist starting this Friday. My parents have been pushing for me to do this for a long time. My mom shared with me this weekend that she's worried about me for some time. My family is familiar with my temper/irritability and they have been afraid/anxious that it would effect my personal relationships. My mom told me I've just been angry for almost eight years. Just underlying anger about seemingly nothing. And I feel it. I have. I am angry. I am not happy with just being; there's always something nagging at me. So the hope is that seeing the psychiatrist will help this issue and get to the bottom of my problems.
- I will not be taking life so goddamn seriously. I need to seperate my personal life from my soon-to-be professional life. Diabetes might be my whole life, for real for real, but I don't need to act as if I'm in front of a Congressional hearing every day. And I can't be surprised when others don't want to live that way/be susceptible to that (mis)treatment.
- I will start wishing on stars again. Even beyond that, I will look up more often. I used to do it all the time. Not sure why I stopped, but I used to feel so much better. And somehow I always felt some connection to my grandpa (RIP) while doing this (maybe because of the scene in the Lion King, but also because I know for a fact my grandpa is smiling down at me).
- I will lay off. I will give space. I will not ask for more than I deserve and I will not get angry when I feel neglected (because as of right now, everything is still not even close to enough).

I must be happy again.
I've hit rock bottom.
I see what I need to change.
And I'm going to fix this.
I may have been given false hope, but if there is any truth in the things he's told me over the past year, throwing it away with the snap of his fingers won't happen.

Don't play it cool 'cause you have only yourself to lose

2009-04-24T18:50:00.000-07:00

Not sure why I stopped using this. It wasn't like it was a daily habit, but it was a nice relief every now and again.

I guess once I deactivate one thing (Facebook), I have the urge to reactivate another (this blog).
Life was starting to get a little too busy for me when I stopped this. Now life is too serious. Correction -- I make life too serious, and take it too seriously.
And then I have this great expectation for those around me to be on the same page.
Something kind of shook me two days ago and I've been starting to re-evaluate. It was brought to my attention that I'm trying to grow up too fast. I was trying to so hard, I was forcing the concept on someone that is stuck with the Lost Boys in Neverland. Someone that was so stressed out by it, they were willing to drop everything if things didn't change. I haven't quite gotten a handle on what I will do to change the path I'm on, but at least I'm thinking about it. I know I used to be a lot more positive. I used to laugh a lot more. My life didn't revolve around when I would be able to read the next "Economist"/"Newsweek"/"Time".

I think sunshine will help my perspective. I think going home next weekend to see my family and a few friends will also help. I'll try to mend a few bridges that have begun to burn. Hopefully they aren't beyond repair.

I'm a problem solver. It's how my brain works. Put my mind to it, and it will be accomplished. This is just really poor timing - LOTS of school work to do this weekend.

I will plug until the beat is gone . . .

2008-10-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

Various things I've read/learned/been interested with in the past week:

Smart:
Misuse of information and knowledge is like a gun in a fool's hand. (I forget who said it. Whoops.)

Scary:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/dannywestneat/2008257389_danny12m.html

Funny:
A title in The Economist -
The War Over Lobbyists
Or, pots denouncing kettles

TRUTH:
The end statement from afformentioned title - "Both candidates promise to change Washington. But the imperatives of politics, which requires lots of money and foot-soldiers, haven't changed yet."

Fascinating, but true:
The author is speaking about her husband dying from cancer (anyone that's basically watched a loved one die can understand) - "We held on to hope, which, in this crisis, was another word for denial."

A little more truth:
"If your joy is derived from what society thinks of you, you're always going to be disappointed." - Madonna

I'm also sickenly fascinated by our healthcare system. Or lackthereof. Or possible lackthereof (more of a personal fear, than national fear, I suppose). Do you know about your health insurance? When are you covered? When aren't you? What's your co-pay? What about prescription drug coverage? Howwww about alternative therapies (chiropractor, psychologist, etc.)?
News flash! This stuff will affect everyone. If it stays the same and Medicare doesn't exist anymore, people who are covered by insurance will eventually be just as screwed as those that aren't. How do you think the hospital pays for all those un-insured patients?? Equally frightening - with some of the proposed plans, people with insurance now will be penalized.
Why can't we just be like Europe? Their system works. (Okay, I have no real information on this, but everyone I live with right now is from either Belgium or Germany and they say it's much better than out system.)
I guess my biggest concern here is that I have the potential to be one of those uninsured, fresh out of college, doe-eyed, scared-to-death, chronic/pre-existing condition Americans with $1,000/month prescription costs. That number is prescriptions alone. Doctor's visits and lab reports every three months are another $1,000. So that's at least &16,000 a year. Surprise, McCain wants to give people a $2,500 tax break. I'm sorry. That won't help me sleep easier OR cover much of anything. Maybe like three months worth of insulin.

Our government is in serious trouble, right? People keep saying this, right? And other people keep hearing it, riiiight? But until more people really look into it and learn the basics and realize this affects them just as much as it affects the uninsured, we are screwedddd.

OH and people need to stop miss-pronouncing diabetes. It's die-uh-beat-eez.

Sky's the limit so you know I'm gonna rise and shine..

2008-10-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

I understand the sensationalism that follows most forms of music, songs, artists and so forth. I get it. Trends come and go. A song is really popular for a bit and then it drops off. Or a following rises up and support continues. We've all witnessed this; maybe you've even been a part of it (hell, I loved "Sugar We're Going Down" when Fall Out Boy was first on MTV, but have since re-evaluated my preferences)..
I'd like to focus your attention to the hyphy movement. Can you do the thizzle dance? Because I've met and seen a lot of pictures recently of surburban white kids thizz facing like there is no tomorrow. Three weeks ago, I had a girl from definitely-NOT-in-the-hood, California try and lecture me on what hyphy is. I just saw yet another picture of three white kids (one from where I'm from in Seattle aka not the hood, another from Spokane aka even further from the hood and then a girl that went to a high school that charge 30k/year) with their thizz faces on. Why???? It hurts my brain.
My friends and I dabbled in thizz dancing back in 2006 because it was catchy and funny when not sober. But stopped (thank God) and grew out of it. I can try and give these kids the benefit of the doubt.. Maybe they're just discovering all that is Mac Dre (RIP) and the movement..? But good Lord. I would love to see an encounter of these kids and liiiike my boyfriend's high school classmates. Or even better - I'd love to plop these kids in the middle of Oakland, let's say MacArthur Boulevard and 80th. Or somewhere on International. These kids would be lost, scared, and completely out of place. I wonder what making a thizz face would do for them then. Hmmmm.

Now don't get me wrong. Sometimes I overstep my line of white-girl-dating-(half)black-boy status.. But. Even if I wasn't dating who I'm dating, I'm pretty informed on music. I enjoy most music genres (right now my Pandora is flip-flopping from the Roots (which gives me Tribe, Common, Nas, and other greatness) to Michael Franti (more reggae-ish/folk-y, but add in Jurassic 5 and Jack Johnson)). I have cousins in the Bay Area and have been exposed to the hyphy movement for a while, and have always been interested, for whatever reason. I can't say I relate to life in Oakland or other areas of the Bay that are dealing with similar issues, but I can read, watch, listen and learn.

Time to get off the soapbox again and write yet another paper.
Looking forward to being a tourist in 25 days. Woo! (Boyfriend will be visiting and we'll have plenty of time to wander the city!)

PS - Some people here do not like their internships/are just doing it because they think it will provide the best opportunity/don't even show up on time/don't have an internship that requires they show up on time. What the heck?? Why would you be here without some passion, desire and fire? I can't imagine.

We fuss, but we take it one day at a time..

2008-10-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

I feel like my life is about boundaries.
Overstepping them.
Testing them.
Doubting them.
Challenging them.
And most importantly, fearing them.

When I was little, I was coloring. All of a sudden, I aggresively pushed all the crayons that were laid out on my kiddie table onto the floor. As they sprayed all over the kitchen, I giggled and laughed with glee. My dad reprimanded me, had me apologize, and told me not to do it again, or else. So I was coloring and coloring, trying my hardest to stay in the lines.. And then bam, I was compelled to spread the crayons all over the floor again. Of course, the consequence was to be put in my crib (we were in the process of transitioning to a "big girl bed") until I apologized and was remorseful. Supposedly I cried for a minute and then got to playing with my stuffed animals until I called out to my dad, "Daaaaddyyyyyy, I'm sowwyyyy" (total lisp, I was such a cute child). He came and got me and explained I could color, but everything would be taken away if I did it again. So I got back to staying in the lines. And was content. Until again, the crayons scattered. My dad looked at me and I threw my hands up in the air, shrugged my shoulders and said "I guess it's time for a time out, huh Daddy?" At this point, my parents developed harsher punishments and I learned not to overstep their boundaries in those situations.

Somewhat related, I also feel like I constantly deal with a great deal of contradiction..

A. My father works for Boeing in a Defense Contracting area. Of course there will always be a need for fighter jets in this lifetime (we all can dream for peace, but yeahh rightttt), and my father could easily find a similar job if Defense were to ever downsize, BUT I can't help but believe a Republican President would most likely guarantee his job and position forever.
B. My mother is a nurse. I have a chronic, "pre-existing condition". Period, point-blank, a Democrat as President would greatly improve both of our lives.
Which is more important? I guess it's two versus one, but still.....

A. I love being in DC. I think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity given the current political climate and my career interests. I have a great internship. My class is exposed to phenomenal speakers on a daily basis. I am learning a vast amount of information and actually enjoying it.
B. I miss my boyfriend. I've basically been with him seven days in the past four months. (No exagerration there.) Even worse, I won't see him until January. It's getting to the point where not only do I always think about him, I'm starting to count down the days here because I just want to be with him.
Am I taking this experience for granted? Will I regret this?

A. I want to go to church every Sunday. I want to work out at least two hours a day. I want to do each and every single reading for my classes prior to attending class. I really really want to do all these things and constantly remind myself of my interest, desire, and overall previous enthusiasm.
B. I haven't been to church since the first weekend. I make it to the gym five days a week. I read eventually.
Is having the intention to do something good enough? Am I pulling some wool over my own eyes?

So many questions to think about and explore answers. Hm. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually.

This week's focus is entitlement programs and public policies (healthcare, education, social security). These are my interests. This is why I'm here. I'm so excited.

The question was rhetorical, the answer is horrible: our morals are out of place and got our lives full of sorrow

2008-10-09T23:22:00.000-07:00

Ignorance is bliss.
Or so they say...?
I think if anyone is ignorant in this day and age, they have no one to blame but themselves. These people should not be allowed to have an opinion slash speak, or at least have very limited access to the public and/or influencing other less informed people's thoughts. I understand, by definition (lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact; uninformed; unaware), WE ALL fall within the "ignorant" category at some point. BUT I believe I genuinely make an effort to only speak passionately about things I know, and keep the rest of my gibberish to myself or my very close friends. I try to stick to factual statements, not opinions of possibly correct ideas. A lot of the speaker's I have had the opportunity to hear from in the past two months have held high-ranking positions at prestigious newspaper/news organizations/polling agencies/etcetera. People ranging from Hillary Clinton's primary speechwriter (SO COOL) to Juan Williams (equally SO COOL). Each person has touched on today's 24/7 media, the rush and urgency placed on "breaking news"... Basically, our news cycle is detrimental to the quality of reports we, the American public, receive.
Read: mainstream media is bullsh*t.
The reliance our generation has on blogs as a main newsource is ridiculous. Yes, they are good for commentary. I fully support the search for information and self-exploration via others views, but these political blogs are being viewed as the end-all, be-all, infallible source. FALSE. Completely false. Until these bloggers support their claims with at least two credible sources, they should be ignored in the "news" genre. Jesus, even some newspapers these days only cite one source (USA Today, for example). This alone is a huge problem. But the bigger problem, in my eyes, is my generation’s faith in blogs. And the Colbert report. And entertaining news. HUGE PROBLEM.
...
I have some close friends that will be voting for the first time EVER come November 4th. Not only is it their first time they have the opportunity to use their god-given right as an American citizen to vote, but they have the potential to get the "change" they desire through a new president. Maybe I've lost my naive view of politics, or been exposed to too much policy and "insider" information (especially since being in DC), but these friends think they will be making a difference. Now, don't get me wrong. Voting is important. I think every person that doesn't vote should not be allowed to open their mouth regarding anything political in the next four years, but once someone is elected, it will take a significant amount of time for anything to happen, for any "change" to occur. I think many expect immediate change in policy and the economy and taxes and everything. But that just is not how it works. At. All.
The friends that will be voting for the first time are informed on the issues, or so they say/attempt to be. But only so much information can be fit in between classes and "totally raging man, yeahhhh". Which I understand. We're young. Fun should be had by all. But again with the ignorance-is-bliss theory, I question their sincerity. Do they understand the huge feats that will have to be accomplished within Congress and the Senate before this "Candidate for Change" will be able to actually implement this change he speaks of/promises? Maybe we allllll need a run through of School House Rock's "How a Bill Becomes a Law"...?

Hint: Congress people and Senators are who really matter. Lobby them! Tell them what you want their priorities to be! You are their constituent. They have to report directly to you. The President has to answer to ALL of America, who hold him less accountable because of this fact. Did you know that Congress currently has a 13% approval rating?? And how many of those Congress people will be back in their seats in January...? You'd be wildly surprised.
My ultimate questions are:
1. Will the youth actually vote?
2. Will the African American/Black (which is PC these days??) population vote??
We shall see......

Time to step off soap-box in the political realm. (I'm one of those damn bloggers with the opinions with no citations that I hate, AH!)
One more thing that absolutely infuriated me today - I was searching for newspaper articles for my internship (daily duty when I'm there; I find it very informative, useful and therapeutic) and found an article about addiction. The drug of addiction in this case was heroin. The author is the mother of this addicted person:
Blahblahblahblah talking about addiction and how it's embarrassing for her... "Experts describe addiction as a chronic, relapsing disease, 'like someone with diabetes that ends up with out-of-control blood sugar that may have been self-inflicted from not following his diet,' in the words of Wilson Compton, director of the division of Epidemiology, Services and Prevention Research at the National Institute on Drug Abuse." EXCUSE ME MR. COMPTON, but unless you were referring to type 2 diabetics (which you did not clarify because you are too ignorant (yes, I went there) to know any better, no diabetic brings "out-of-control blood sugar" upon themselves because diabetes is developed unknowingly. There are a small percentage of cases that are linked to genetics, but all other diabetics get it because their body is attacking itself because it feels like it. AKA there is no reason a person has type 1 diabetes. I slightly understand his intention if he was referring to type 2, but the fact that he failed to differentiate means he has no idea what he's talking about.

Okay, for happier news, I'm exhausted. I got four hours of sleep last night thanks to a housemate going absolutely bonkers (no exaggeration, we think she's bi-polar and dangerous). I am excited for the weekend, but oh, wait, I have one paper due Wednesday and another due the following Monday. It appears that I will not know what a weekend is like until maybe November? Ohhhh, goodie.

Summer's gone, I overslept and woke up to the chill of fall...

2008-10-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

October. It's here. Already?? Seriously though, where has the time gone? The leaves are starting to change colors here. California doesn't have an obvious change of the seasons; it just drastically becomes winter all of a sudden in December. Therefore, I haven't experienced autumn the past two years. I am looking forward to this. It already just feels so good to walk outside. Putting on a sweater and hearing the leaves crunch beneath my feet is so comforting.
As a child, I was very meticulous. Swim suits hung up on the wrong racks in Nordstroms magically found their homes while my mom was paying. In the fall, I was afraid to legit play in the piles of leaves. I was more concerned with making a perfect pile. Once all my Magnolia tree leaves were together, it looked just right, and I didn't want to ruin it by jumping in it. That would totally defeat the purpose of making the pile in the first place. Right? Maybe that's why I'm so uptight now. I never had fun like the "normal", messy, rowdy kids.

A classmate and I attempted to study in the Library of Congress today, but the silly thing is closed on Sundays! Who woulda thunk it? So, plan B was to find a bookstore or another library. Lo and behold, there is a quaint little public library three blocks away from my townhouse. The hours are limited (not surprising, considering DC barely has enough money to fund its schools, let alone other necessary programs to keep a community running), but I spent four hours there today. It smelled like a library. Like a library that has been in use since before I was born.
Reminded me of my library at home in Seattle. Many good times were spent in that library.
Random thought of the day - I did the summer reading challenge a few summers in a row. The first summer, they had a public record board that kids kept track of their progress on. Well, each sticker stood for ten books. This was written in fine print. Did I read the fine print? Of course not. I won some really cool prize and didn't realize until after the fact that I was undeserving. Too little realization too late. Oops. I still think about that from time to time and laugh to myself.

Otherwise, this weekend hasn't been very productive. I have a weird head cold/congestion so I've been lazy and sleepy. No one in this city washes their hands OR covers their mouth when they sneeze/cough and it drives me crazy and spreads germs easily. I feel like I wash/purrell my hands frequently, but it hasn't been enough.
I will eventually write about all of the speakers I've heard so far. I'm writing a review sheet for studying purposes, so I'll make that a little more fun and put it up here.
I have a great desire to be a tourist in my own city one of these weekends soon. I just need to not have stuff to do/motivation/no more humidity. Hopefully next weekend.
Oh, and internship is still AMAZING. Love it love it.

So anyway, back to studying. This city is beautiful.

I love autumn.
This is going to be great.
It would be even great-er if my boyfriend was here.... Absence definitely makes the heart grow stronger.
And maybe no more tests/papers/assignments. That'd be IDEAL.

What it is, what it is, come check the noise...

2008-09-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

As mentioned before, last week was great.
The focus, via my teacher, was The Presidency. We heard from every realm of the political spectrum: White House biographers, staffers, speech writers, and analysts. Once I get around to it, I'll post more specifics, but I believe we heard from two great speakers. Amazing eloquence and wise words. Just all over, a great week.

Somehow this week has already started and is logistically almost over, as far as classes go (tomorrow is Roshashana = we will not have class, and that leaves Wednesday aka one speaker and a class simulation). Long days, but interesting all the same...

I love to be able to draw connections between classes and experiences and make pragmatic use of school. I do not want to learn about Plato's political philosophy just because some head of a department thinks it is important. A basic overview is fine, but a whole quarter devoted to it is a little ridiculous. In my opinion.
SO today, within the past hour, we finished class. We had a speaker from the US Park Service/Police. He has dealt with everything in the department... Homicides, drug crimes, burglaries and robberies. Really interesting stuff, regardless of what specific political aspect one wants to focus on (although he made a point that no one has needles in their cars except for drugs "no diabetic has syringes lying around their car"... Obviously, he hasn't seen my car/room/purse/gym locker).
I am taking a class on American U's main campus entitled Justice and Public Policy. For this class, we have to "complete a 10 page paper in which you research the environmental causes and initial consequences of a justice related public policy".
Well. I've always been interested in criminal justice. Law and Order. NYPD Blue. JAG. Some other great show back in the day about advocates for justice. Most recently, in a California Politics class last quarter, I found it interesting that California has marijuana laws that undermine the federal laws. Why? What makes weed in the Bay different from weed in the Nation's Capitol? As I learned today, the suppliers in DC = gangs. Pretty sure most weed is provided via clubs, who receive their product from the hills of Humboldt County and the happy hippies chillin' in their trees. That is a major difference right there.
I was originally going to write my paper on the Three Strikes law (I hate to reference Wiki, but it's the most basic/reader friendly), but I've found (in the past hour) that the Three Strikes law almost directly ties in to the decriminalization of marijuana. There seems to be a lot of variance with both issues, but Three Strikes may be stickier because of many factors. Who knows. What I do know is I have a lot of research to get on.

....

2008-09-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Not totally relavent, but I've had a lot of "Wellll DUH" moments recently.

1. I was getting my latte from Starbucks this morning just before heading in to my internship (yay, classes are over for the week!).. The woman in front of me was pretty heavy-set in a near-obese/very-unhealthy kind of way. She ordered a venti, seven-pump, skim chai tea latte and a butter croisant. She continued to pester the barista, double and triple checking that her chai tea was made with skim milk. The amount of calories and fat in a skim venti versus a 2% venti is not significant. This woman had just shoved a butter croissant in her purse, and was then worried about the fat content of the milk in her chai?? I am so glad restaurants are going to be required to post nutritional information for people to view (at least in California), but that doesn't mean people will understand what to do with those numbers. There needs to be education before anything else. DUH.

2. This article. MAJOR "wellllll duh" for the last sentence especially. Seriously. Any diabetic should know this. And if they don't, they need to get a new doctor faster than you can say "the ADA sucks".

3. Honking doesn't help. Traffic was horrific tonight. It took me one hour to get home. It usually takes mayyyybe 20 minutes. My bus was late. Cars were continuously blocking the intersection which led to cars honkning. And honking. And honking. Just laying on the horn and freaking out. Incessant. So, my resolution/lesson from today: honking doesn't help. Duh. Yes, it feels good to let the other idiot drivers know you're upset, but it really doesn't help.

4. Grey's Anatomy is THE shit. Le duh. I don't know what people are talking about when they say it has fallen off. This show is absolutely amazing.

5. America is fat. People write this in newspaper and report it on the local news. But look around. Duh duh duh duhhhh. America is fat. There were three people on my bus tonight taking up two seats each. It's incredibly sad, more than anything else. Once again, it's a education issue more than anything else. Society must work from the ground up. Maybe the next generations will be better off...?

6. This city is amazing. Stuff gets done. Legislation gets passed (sometimes). (Some) People get help. It is absolutely amazing. DUH.

My week has been pretty good. We had fantastic speakers this week, I'll write about them later.
Preview:

I got somethin' to lose, so I gotta move

2008-09-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

I finished my paper with enough time to make it to campus and turn it in. How ridiculous is that?? I had to go all the way to school, turn in my hard copy, and then return to Capitol Hill to attend a Senate Hearing (webcast here), yay.

Let's take a minute to explain what it is I'm doing here...
I have my Washington Semester Program class Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. We have to keep time from 8am to 5pm free for this class. Sometimes we start at 10:30, and sometimes we get up early early and meet at 8:45. It hasn't been much earlier than that though. From my syllabus = "The purpose of the Washington Semester Program in American National Government is to provide you with an empirical understanding of how Washington works on a daily basis. During the semester you will be meeting with political practitioners and policymakers--both elected and unelected--who influence legislation, execute decisions, resolve disputes and help others win electoral office. The semester will help you unravel some of the mysteries behind the complexity of the government as you learn first-hand about 'practical politics'." So far, we've met with politicians from both sides of the aisle. We've spent this morning and Monday morning in the Cannon House Office Building. Over and over again, I can see myself here. Working. Living. Thriving. The heat is a little out of hand, but everything else is amazing.
When we aren't meeting people on the Hill, they meet us on Tenley campus. It's about 5 to 10 minutes walking to Union station then a 20 minute ride on the Metro (subway) and 5 minutes walking to campus. 30 minutes commuting definitely isn't bad, but it also isn't walking across the street like living at Stucco (haha!).
I'm also taking a Justice and Public Policy class on American U's main campus. We had our first meeting on Monday... My teacher is hilarious and really knows what he's talking about aka the best kind of teacher out there. He works in the industry he teaches about. Firsthand experience is better than what anyone can resight to you out of a book. I don't know what else to say about this class yet, but hopefully it will turn out to be a good experience. I just have to make sure SCU gives me credit for it...
On Thursday and Friday I have my internship. INTERNSHIP!! So major. Exactly what I care about. The whole point in coming out here was seeing if this is really what I'm interested... If this is something I can see myself doing this forever and ever, until the end of time. And so far, it is. I do a lot of grunt work (compiling news clips every morning and then photocopying enough for each person in the office to get one, then putting them in their mailboxes), but I know what I do helps everything. The little things really do make a difference. It's so hard to see sometimes, especially when you're focused on the bigger picture and end results... But I know I'm making a difference and that's all that really matters.

I have to get to campus for class, but I'll write about what my actual internship is later. It's amazing though. Haha. I look forward to Thursdays more than I look forward to the weekends! What a nerd, huh?

PS - I'm watching BET right now (go ahead and laugh), 106&Park from yesterday and they're talking about registering and voting, regardless of who you think you'll vote for. Which is very admirable. I feel like media has always been very biased. Very very. And the fact that this dude just made that point... I don't know what else to say, but that's great that he is making that point.

PPS - I really want to see The Express: The Ernie Davis Story. The dude that plays Ernie is the same one from Finding Forrester, which was my favorite movie everrrr when it came out.

I keep thinkin' in a moment that time will take them away..

2008-09-16T01:45:00.000-07:00

Back to the blog.

I should be writing my paper. I'm leaving for the Metro at 7:55am. SWEET. I literally only have quotes and headings. A fantastic looking cover page. Oh oh! And my great appendix, complete with TWO charts full of polling data. Of course, if I attempted to hand this in, right now, I'm pretty sure my professor would laugh at me. Toss his head back, and laugh. Joke. Haha, funny?
No. For the life of me, I cannot figure out what my problem is. I'm not fucking stupid. I know a due date is a due date. Especially here, my professors have made it pretty clear that late = no consequence is mentioned becacuse it.just.does.NOT.happen.
Now that my diabetes is pretty well under control, I have no scape goat. No excuse. I just find something else to do (laundry), then look up more sources, find something else to do (fold laundry), then find a chart and organize my footers.. Then look for Citizen Cope tickets. For October 15th. Not a pressing matter, nonetheless I find time for it.

And here I am now. Writing in my blog. I'm going to stop and exert my energy elsewhere.

What's really bad about this. Like, the worst. Is that I really care about this paper. This is something I am highly interested and involved in. This is what I want my life to be. Basically. I am in the process of living my dream, and I can't even work for it.
DAMN.

....

2008-07-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

My schedule this week has been ridiculously full. I've barely had time to sleep. It's basically been: up at 5am to workout. Work A by 8am. Off work A by 6pm. Work B as soon as possible, 6:30 at the latest. Bed by midnight to do it all over again.

I'm super exhausted and have to get to bed so I can wake up early to work out and then get to work. Yay.

.. Betcha love can make it better

2008-07-10T23:14:00.000-07:00

True story: Distance is killer.

I'm new to this relationship game. And while there has never been an explicit "we are dating exclusively" statement or conversation, there have been "I consider you my girlfriend" and "there aren't any other girls". I still don't know how to handle all of this. And being in different states is just.. Weird. Once I'm in a different time zone.... Who knows what will happen. Poor timing on both our parts.

That being said, I have trust issues. Particularly with the male gender. And other people I am extremely close with. I have been betrayed before by two of my best friends for petty, stupid, high school/immature reasons. In retrospect, if I had less of a temper and less pride, I could have brushed it all off after giving it time to boil over. BUT, for whatever reason, that is not my nature. I have come to accept it. And people around me just seem to know not to push me over the edge. I give my trust easily, but give me one miniscule reason to give up that trust, and it's overrrr.

Totally different note, driving in the city is getting out of hand. My road rage/aggressive driving will get the best of me some day soon.

I know the grass is greener, but just as hard to mow

2008-07-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm currently on summer vacation from a non-descript, Catholic liberal arts college based in the Bay Area of California. I have my ups and downs with school... I HATE core curriculum. Drives me insane, but I know it's something I have to struggle through in order to get my degree.

Being home is a slightly foreign concept. It's been since December, and it just feels... Off. On top of living in a cage, it's very uncomfortable not seeing people that you are used to spending hours upon hours with. It's hard living two seperate lives. School life and homehome life. If I had stayed in California for the summer, maybe I wouldn't be dealing with this now...

Thus, the grass is greener. I find myself in these situations frequently... "Well, if I hadn't done this, then I'd have this" or "If I had stayed there, I would have done this... But since I'm here, I get to do this". Allllll the time. It's a problem I have. However, everything happens for a reason. I'm sure of that. And I know my grass if pretty damn green in every situation I find myself.

So carpe diem... Live it up. Love it. And do your best. There's nothing else you can do.