We fuss, but we take it one day at a time..

I feel like my life is about boundaries.
Overstepping them.
Testing them.
Doubting them.
Challenging them.
And most importantly, fearing them.

When I was little, I was coloring. All of a sudden, I aggresively pushed all the crayons that were laid out on my kiddie table onto the floor. As they sprayed all over the kitchen, I giggled and laughed with glee. My dad reprimanded me, had me apologize, and told me not to do it again, or else. So I was coloring and coloring, trying my hardest to stay in the lines.. And then bam, I was compelled to spread the crayons all over the floor again. Of course, the consequence was to be put in my crib (we were in the process of transitioning to a "big girl bed") until I apologized and was remorseful. Supposedly I cried for a minute and then got to playing with my stuffed animals until I called out to my dad, "Daaaaddyyyyyy, I'm sowwyyyy" (total lisp, I was such a cute child). He came and got me and explained I could color, but everything would be taken away if I did it again. So I got back to staying in the lines. And was content. Until again, the crayons scattered. My dad looked at me and I threw my hands up in the air, shrugged my shoulders and said "I guess it's time for a time out, huh Daddy?" At this point, my parents developed harsher punishments and I learned not to overstep their boundaries in those situations.


Somewhat related, I also feel like I constantly deal with a great deal of contradiction..

A. My father works for Boeing in a Defense Contracting area. Of course there will always be a need for fighter jets in this lifetime (we all can dream for peace, but yeahh rightttt), and my father could easily find a similar job if Defense were to ever downsize, BUT I can't help but believe a Republican President would most likely guarantee his job and position forever.
B. My mother is a nurse. I have a chronic, "pre-existing condition". Period, point-blank, a Democrat as President would greatly improve both of our lives.
Which is more important? I guess it's two versus one, but still.....

A. I love being in DC. I think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity given the current political climate and my career interests. I have a great internship. My class is exposed to phenomenal speakers on a daily basis. I am learning a vast amount of information and actually enjoying it.
B. I miss my boyfriend. I've basically been with him seven days in the past four months. (No exagerration there.) Even worse, I won't see him until January. It's getting to the point where not only do I always think about him, I'm starting to count down the days here because I just want to be with him.
Am I taking this experience for granted? Will I regret this?

A. I want to go to church every Sunday. I want to work out at least two hours a day. I want to do each and every single reading for my classes prior to attending class. I really really want to do all these things and constantly remind myself of my interest, desire, and overall previous enthusiasm.
B. I haven't been to church since the first weekend. I make it to the gym five days a week. I read eventually.
Is having the intention to do something good enough? Am I pulling some wool over my own eyes?

So many questions to think about and explore answers. Hm. Maybe I'll figure it out eventually.


This week's focus is entitlement programs and public policies (healthcare, education, social security). These are my interests. This is why I'm here. I'm so excited.