Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

Was just looking at my profile. Under interests:

Politics; laughing; green beans; frozen raspberries; Joshua; adventures; finding beauty where most never look; being that person that says they knew about something before mainstream media/everyone else got on it; being optimistic in the most dire situations; jammin'.

I think I can safely say all of those are still in my greatest interests, but I've let them slip and slide. Out of sight, out of mind? Mostly in referrence to the laughing and optimism. I'm not sure how to explain it. Or how I am where I am now. Was it all a cover up? Am I still that optimistic person deep inside, dying to get out and spin in circles under the clouds? Can I laugh now how I laughed a year ago?

This feels like it has been a week of two steps forward, one step back. I really thought I was getting somewhere with the whole "let's be positive" deal, until things totally out of my hands ruined it all. There's only so much "it could be worse" can fix. I mean, yes, it could play out:
Timmy - "Damn, I got a C on that paper I half-assed."
Johnny - "But golly, Timmy, it could be worse. You could have failed."
I feel like in the past four or five years, I've done the "it could be worse" dance a ton.. "Eh, I didn't do so well on the AP Calc test, but it could be worse - I could have failed the actual course." OR "DAMN, I didn't get that extra scholarship money to Santa Clara because my GPA was a 3.9 and not a 4.0, but it could be worse - I could'e not been accepted to any schools." I don't view those circumstances as dire or severe or life threatening, but I've used the line in other situations where, in retrospect, it isn't applicable: "Well, I was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of 18, but it could be worse - I could have been diagnosed with terminal cancer." and "Grandpa died after a long and hard battle with Myasthenia Gravis (and a previous bout with bladder cancer), but it could be worse - he could still be alive and suffering."
I don't think there are trade offs for these things. I don't think there's a better option. I don't think a "it could be worse" scenario exists. I realize life is better than death in most circumstances, but I would not wish this form of life on anyone. Nor can I expect anyone to understand unless they really deal with it every minute of their life like me. It isn't that simple, yet it is. Perspective is key. Perspective makes a world of a difference, but it is very hard to understand or even attempt to understand with a closed mind and a closed heart.

Everything is just that simple. It's hard for me to remember this. There doesn't always have to be tradeoffs or compromise. I don't always have to "win". Just because I like something, doesn't mean it will be fulfilled or achieved. Not everyone sees eye to eye, and that is what makes the world so unique and have such a dynamic sense of being.

I am me. You are you. If our paths cross, so be it.
It could be worse, but it also could be better. It can always be better.